Kathi

The missing sister. Haven't seen her since 1987 but she does drop into my dreams at times.

Last night was one of those times. We were trying to talk to my mom, who was her old self. Bitchy. Angry, hurtful, hateful. She wouldn't look at us so we didn't know which one she never wanted to see again. She said it was Kathi. Kathi was trying to talk to her, about how she was making every effort to be as invisible as possible. Never coming downstairs, not even to eat. She was starving.

I was trying to go to bat for her but it was no use. By the end of the dream Kathi was planning how she'd be gone. Once her child was born she'd be giving it to me to raise, and we'd never have to see her again.

I woke up very sad.

I finally get it

Last night, I had a dream about Tawnja. She was really stressed. She and James were no longer together, and she was working a job that I thought was admin, but no. She was wearing glasses and working on whatever - calculus. She said 'yeah, I've just sort of always had a gift for it. You didn't know that?' I said no.

When I finally got through the little wall she had going, she sighed and lay down alongside me, I was holding her like we were lovers and we were talking like old times. I'm misting up just typing this now. We trusted and loved each other. And I woke up thinking Tawnja. Be safe, be happy. Be safe, be happy. Be safe, be happy.

I think I dreamed who she'd be if she had had any kind of a shot, as opposed to two mentally ill parents, and a brain damage-inducing injury when she was just a child. And the bottom line is, I just want her to be happy, and at peace.